Many of us have been there: someone cuts you off, runs a stop sign, is tailgating, or at a dead stop when it’s time to go because they’re on their cell phone. How do you respond? You might yell out profanities that they don’t hear but can see, honk at them aggressively, flip them off, or all of the above.

Why do you express your rage in your car? When you’re driving, this might be the only time you feel powerful because you can let loose behind your armor, knowing that you can speed away if the other driver decides to retaliate. Or, maybe this is finally your chance to release your anger that you suppressed throughout your day.

Notice your day and the interactions that you had. Did someone say something that didn’t sit quite right with you? Did you have an uncomfortable interaction with someone? When these moments come up (and they will because we are imperfectly human) notice your immediate internal response to the situation. If you found yourself ignoring what the other person said or did, or you tried to rationalize their words or actions, or you’re thinking to yourself that you shouldn’t make a big deal out of it and that you need to be more understanding and accepting, then you’re working too hard, and ignoring your strong feelings of frustration or anger.

This internal dialogue is exhausting. Instead, if you’re angry because of what someone said or did, then take a moment, alone, and acknowledge your anger, by simply saying, “I’m angry.” Be with your anger, feel your anger in your body, don’t identify with your anger, and don’t fuel your anger by creating a destructive story about the other person (or yourself). Find a quiet place and take deep, conscious, meaningful breaths either through your nose, chest, back, or, ideally, from your belly for as long as you need until you feel calmer inside.

Anger is powerful. Anger tells us that we have an unmet need. Once you feel calmer, explore that unmet need. Did you have a need for respect, clarity, acknowledgment, choice, order, or some other need? Once you acknowledge your need, then begin to explore the more vulnerable feelings underneath your anger. Are you, sad, discouraged, cautious, tired, embarrassed, or some other feeling? Taking the time throughout the day to do this for yourself will relieve some of your energetic anger so that your power isn’t just behind the wheel, but with you in every moment.


Become an empowered communicator.