Were you hoping sex would help resolve some of the lingering problems you and your partner have been dealing with?
You and your beloved argued a few days ago about the same old problem you’ve been arguing about for years.
At this point, you’re so sick of the problem that it’s not worth mentioning.
It doesn’t matter what you’re fighting over because you end up with the same result: no resolution.
You both don’t know what to do.
So, you end up keeping a safe distance from each other, knowing that the hurt feelings from the heated exchange will pass with some time.
You’re both used to this pattern and dynamic.
But you’re resentful, and it hurts feeling separated from your beloved.
The silence kills you.
After a few days pass, your partner suddenly approaches you, wanting physical connection and sex.
Since you didn’t resolve anything, you’re not quite ready to be close.
You didn’t work it out, and you’re tired of it.
And, you also don’t want to stay distant, silent, and disconnected because the love is there.
So reluctantly, you think, “Why not? At least we’ll create some connection and make peace.”
And, while yes, the sex was great, your partner knows how to please you, you feel lingering resentment.
It’s not only resentment you’re feeling. You’re angry.
Having sex was a balm and temporary relief from the persistent problem that will rear its ugly head again.
It’s just a matter of time before you have the same old argument about the issue that hasn’t gone away.
This familiar dynamic: arguing about the same old thing, staying silent and distant with each other, and then having sex to end the disconnection, leaves you troubled, edgy, hurt, withdrawn, and bored.
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Many of my female clients have experienced this with their companions.
Having sex to end the fighting and repair the hurt is quite common between couples.
But, ultimately, it doesn’t make that same old problem go away.
As a woman, I get this.
I, too, would have sex with my beloved, thinking that it was the answer to fix our problems.
I hoped that having sex would dissolve my inner resentment and help me reconnect to my partner.
And while the reconnection happened, my resentment didn’t go away because I knew the reconnection was temporary.
Unfortunately, because I knew that having sex wasn’t the answer, my resentment, along with my rage, was growing.
When the same old argument happened again, my patience was thin, I was sick of trying to have compassion, and I was ready to fucking explode.
But, I knew I couldn’t explode and worked hard to hold it in.
Suppressing this angry energy, time and time again, left me exhausted and hopeless.
I didn’t know what to do.
And, I loved my partner and desperately wanted to end the same argument that we’d been having for years.
We tried to figure it out together through couples counseling, but that didn’t work.
So I tried to figure it out on my own.
But, my exercise regime wasn’t helping.
My mindful breathing and personal growth workshops didn’t save me.
However, I refused to give up.
There had to be a way to release this resentment, anger, and rage that I was holding in.
It wasn’t until I developed The Anger Algorithm that I finally had permission to authentically release the bottled-up resentment and rage that I’d been carrying around for years.
After releasing my rage, I could drop into my inner wisdom and think clearly about what I wanted.
What I wanted was simple: I wanted to stay connected during the painful times, too.
I learned how to stop engaging in my old patterns that were part of the repetitive arguing.
I learned how to stay connected through the discomfort we felt from the same old problem.
And I stopped using sex as a temporary fix.
Instead of letting your anger and resentment grow, I’d love to talk about how The Anger Algorithm will help you release this bottled-up energy that has you exhausted and hopeless.
If you want to understand why you’re engaging in the same old argument and radically change that old pattern that keeps you stuck, click here to map out the algorithm with me.
If you want to end the same old argument that’s destroying your relationship, let’s talk about how the algorithm helps you heal the old patterns that stop you from understanding what you truly want.
Click here to schedule your call now!
To Your Peace, Freedom & Healing!
Love,
Vanessa
Anger & Communication Coach
San Francisco, CA
© 2018 The Empowered Communicator. Vanessa Alfaro. Communication Coach & Mediator. All Rights Reserved. Website: CodePineHills
