Ugh! I Sent A Passive-Aggressive Text

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Have you ever expressed your anger by sending a passive-aggressive text?  

You’re excited to meet up with your honey for dinner.

But, at the last minute, he sends you a text saying that a friend, who you don’t want to be around, is joining both of you.

You’ve made it very clear to him that you don’t want to be around this person.

WTF!!!

Immediately, you feel betrayed, angry and question his intentions.

Anger has taken you out of your heart.

You’ve lost understanding and compassion.

So, you react and fire off a short text that’s off the cuff, telling him that you can’t make it to dinner.  

…

Oh shit!

That’s not how you wanted to respond.

Your passive-aggressive anger got the best of you, and you lashed out!

Regretfully, you sent and delivered your text!

But then, you start to worry and ruminate.

“Did I hurt his feelings?”

“Should I have waited to respond?”

And, now you go back and forth wondering if you should text him again.  

You pick up your phone to make things right because you love him.

But, wait!

You’re angry with him, think otherwise and put it down.

You don’t want to be the one to make things right.

The insanity of one minute you hate him, the next you’re afraid of losing his love.

Sadly, you spend your evening on a rumination roller coaster, debating whether you should text him again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh, have I been there…

When I felt betrayed by my partner, my angerometer went from 0 to 250 in a second.

I wanted to fucking destroy him.  

And, before texts, what did I do with my passive-aggressive, angry energy when I felt betrayed?  

I would ruminate and stay silent for days.

Making myself stay silent was so challenging.

It left me feeling exhausted and heartbroken.  

It’s sad to think that my only solution was to silence myself, ruminate, and not communicate.

Why did I stay silent and ruminate?

It was a way to “control” my anger because my anger scared me.

I was afraid of the damage it would cause in my relationship if I dared express it.

Because I knew, “Who on earth would tolerate such behavior?”

What’s more devastating, I didn’t know what to do about my anger, so the only solution was to hold it all in.    

I spent years hiding my anger and rage, never wanting anyone to see it, hear it, or feel it.

I believed my partner would reject me and stop loving me.

I was so alone with my anger and rage, trying everything under the sun to “manage” and “control” it.

But, nothing was addressing it.  

And, even though my healing work transformed my life, there still was a weight in my belly.

I knew I was holding back from something but didn’t know what.  

When I realized I was holding in my anger, I thought, “There must be a healthy way to express it.”

So, I created “The Anger Algorithm.”  

There was no more “controlling” and “managing” my anger.

It was a relief to finally have permission to release and express this natural, wild, angry energy.

Instead of feeling shame and hiding my anger and rage, I started to embrace it.  

When you’re angry, hold off on the passive-aggressive text.

Work through The Anger Algorithm to release and express your angry feelings.

You’ll gain clarity for what you want to say, so instead of reacting, you respond.

If you’re a woman in a relationship who wants to end expressing anger passive-aggressively, I would love to map out The Anger Algorithm for you at no cost.

Click here to set up a time to chat.

If you want to get off of the rumination roller coaster and get to the heart of why you’re angry, click here to book your call with me.

To Your Peace, Freedom & Healing!

Love,

Vanessa

Anger & Communication Coach, San Francisco, CA